At 8years old, paedo # 1 sexually assaulted me. At 10 & 11years old paedo # 2, # 3 & # 4. I was already experiencing domestic violence, rejection & abandonment. Little 12year old me felt worthless, useless & in so much emotional – mental pain that I had nowhere to turn. I attempted suicide as I wanted the pain to end. I couldn’t see a way out. Then something amazing happened – I spoke out to God and said ‘Fine, I’m still alive. I don’t want to just be alive. I want to FEEL alive. Help me to heal so that I can help my loved ones to not be so full of anger, hatred, violence & fear. That’s my promise.’ Facing my fear of death forced me to live, before time is up.
I had no innocence as a child – I knew how dark & depraved humans could be. I just had to make sure that I was safe from harm and enjoy the little pockets of sunshine I could find with my friends. Oh, and my dreams to be a French teacher so I could help disadvantaged children like I was.
At 12 I met my first counselor, of many, who helped me to connect with my inner world. It was lonely,scary & she held my hand through it all. She was such a light.
In my teens, I went through a forced engagement which I fought 5 years to leave & ended with the real threat of an honor killing. I’d left home for my safety, and after choosing my own partner, I was disowned.
I finally had the freedom to learn who I was without all the shackles of societal conditioning, cultural expectations, generational patterns etc. I decided to leave the ex after I’d found out he’d been cheating, manipulating & lying…I finally had to face the fear of having no next of kin. Of being in my own and rebuilding my strength from within. No one can do this for you. It was choice to walk my own path, following my own heart, collecting magical experiences along the way & trusting my own love & light. I learnt I am my own warrior, my own Queen, my own responsibility to love, heal, soothe, forgive with every ounce of love I have within me. And if I can overcome this (and more) than you have it within you too.
Reclaim your power & walk with a torch of light through the dark.
You have unlimited potential within you to heal & transform anything that feels scary. You came with natural gifts and talents that are waiting to be discovered by you…they are hidden and ready to be acknowledged. Get to know yourself, your values and love the perfection & diversity of who you are. No one outside you can walk YOUR path of destiny so whatever you do, don’t ever give it away to an external source. Your life is yours 😘 Be the light you came here to be, be the light the world needs right now. Much love, Leila x
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