The dark room of depression; how I resolved to come through it.

**All good now** However, last week I was totally wiped out with the flu and spent 4 days in bed recovering and am getting back to myself. In the grand scheme of things it was nothing to worry about however it reminded me of the last period of time where the curtains were drawn, barely able to move and just doing the basics to get better. That time was about 6 or so years ago when I decided to let myself be DEPRESSED for the last and final time.

I had spent most of my life in a state of depression, trying to hide it from the world because I felt ashamed of being being ill. Depression locked me into a grey & dark zone, in a mind frame of negative thoughts, creating stories of conversations that were full of anger, rage, confusion and uncertainty. I felt misunderstood & lost with no idea how to keep going one more time. I literally could not muster up the energy to just get up and let things change. The dark room was ideal for how I felt inside and I didn’t want anyone to enter the dark cocoon I was in. Strangely it was my safe place. I could retreat to the place where the tears would flow and find some comfort in my lonely place.
And no matter how hard I tried to give up, I couldn’t..the light would seep in. My energy would come back. The depression would subside and I would find new courage, new strength and desire to FEEL ALIVE. I found myself continually wanting to make my life worth it. Things had to change; I had to change. And so, I got up another day.