How I spent my Christmas Day on my own; alone and so loved!
There is an expectation that on a festivity we must spend it with other people. Birthdays, Eid, Christmas’, Diwali, Hanukkah etc That we must not be alone because that means we must be lonely and not good enough. In some ways we must not be loved. None of this is true for me today. However it used to feel like that for me over the past 15 years or so.
You see, today I spent Christmas Day on my own. I made a conscious decision to spend the day in my own company, keeping my day light, easy and simplistic. I could have spent with friends who invited me along for the day. I could have travelled to see family & friends. Instead, I chose to ‘Let it be. If I’m meant to be somewhere else then that will be’. Me spending the day on my own turned out ‘what was meant to be’.
Here’s how my day went by: I had a super long lie…it was midday-ish by the time I got up lol, I took my time getting ready, opened 4 gifts from my neighbours & and 7 cards. I then meditated, prayed and read a book for a couple of hours. Put some make up on, wore my gorgeous Christmas present scarf, had a dance 🙂 and ate a lovely Indian take-away which I ordered on Christmas Eve-Plus, a delicious raspberry cheesecake! It was sooo good! I then sat to reply to over 100+ messages on social media wishing me a wonderful xmas day and spoke to family and friends around the world. I also caught up on some YouTube videos which I’ve been meaning to watch. And, yes I did some work (lol, this blog!) Literally I am bathed in self-love and love from others! It feels so joyous, and like such a blessing. In my aloneness, I am now whole, healed and complete. I am filled up with a strong sense of self and inner peace #leilaswisevibes
I’d like to share three other Christmases that I’ve had over the years.
1. The first is about 15 years ago when I was on my own. How did I feel? LONELY. LOST. UNLOVED. DISCONNECTED. DEPRESSED. I felt uncomfortable being on my own. I hated it if a friend asked me how my day was when all I could say was that I cried because I felt angry at others for letting me down. I had expectations that I should be with others. The expectations hurt more than anything.
2, Another Christmas I spent in a relationship which by the end felt like ‘empty company’. No fun, laughter, yes presents, yes physical presence but no sincere care-just going through the motions and the process because it’s Christmas. I remember arguments, fake smiles and laughter-I felt lonelier than ever whilst surrounded by others. It didn’t make sense. That was until I started to ask myself questions to overcome this loneliness; How do you feel being alone? Why do I feel lonely? Is it really true that I’m not loved just because I’m on my own? How can I make the most of this day by making it enjoyable for myself?
3. I’ve also spent festivities surrounded by others at home and abroad having the best parties, being merry, enjoying the dancing and conversations – those memories are just as valuable!
One thing I know for sure is that I have taught myself how to always be ok with however I choose to spend the day- Trading expectations for what is meant to be knowing that I can coach myself through any uncomfortable emotions, should they come up. Every year is always better and better than the year before and every year will change – that’s something to look forward to!
Learning to LOVE and CHERISH my alone time is the best present I could ever give to myself. By showing myself that my worthiness is not tied up in how many presents or cards I received or didn’t receive. My worthiness is not tied up with who I spend my time around, by not running away from my own company, by choosing to live in the present moment and allowing the day to pass with as much self-love, patience and kindness as possible. There is no need to fight it and THIS is why Life is today. You get to choose HOW you want to FEEL in any given moment. When uncomfortable emotions come up, work THROUGH them instead of pushing them to one side. And know this – in any given situation, you are loved. You are worthy. You are enough.
Watch my latest video on my YouTube channel here on how your worthiness is not tied on external things. Subscribe for more too! https://youtu.be/KMOLfZ5xA9o
Share below: How did you spend Christmas day? Did any uncomfortable feelings come up and how did you deal with them? Do you value your alone-time?
Life is today, right here and right now. This is the only moment which exists to make the most of. Your love for yourself is the only thing you are seeking. Do you want a FREE online version of my book 101+ Ways To Overcome Life’s Biggest Obstacles? which shows you how to overcome loneliness, depression, stress, anxiety etc? Click here to sign up: www.lifeistodayacademy.com